Showing posts with label Media. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Media. Show all posts

January 2, 2013

Ever-Present Stereotypes


One thing that struck me over the past few weeks, however, is the fact that in some cases, it seems as though we are losing ground.  In particular, in the prevalence of stereotypes that has seemed to worsen over the past year.

For example, during a Christmas shopping expedition, I happened to notice gender segregation in the toy department!  Even though there have been efforts to neutralize gender stereotyping (there’s now a blue Easy Bake Oven for boys and there’s a Lego line made just for girls – although the girls’ line is more about beauty and domesticity than building), aisles and displays filled with pink and pastel, with toys involving homemaking and beauty obviously catered to girls, and across the way, blue and army green aisles filled with action, sports, and building-oriented toys were filled with boys.

I did a bit of research, and found that although there had been clear gender-based marketing when I was little, it somewhat disappeared in the 1970s – in fact, a researcher noted that in 1975, more than 70% of toys in the Sears catalog showed no markings of gender at all – there were even photos of girls playing airline pilots and boys cooking in the kitchen.

Over the past 30+ years, gender-based marketing has become much more explicit, causing increased pressure for girls and boys to stay within the manufacturers’ boundaries for their play choices.  According to the Journal of Applied Developmental Psychology, parents interviewed when leaving a toy store reported purchasing gender-typed toys because the kids asked for them, even though the toy may not have been the parents’ choice.  This type of phenomenon has no doubt fueled the development and marketing of gender-based toys under the guise of gender-differentiated play preferences.

Experts believe that the reflection of stereotypes about gender roles in toys and their marketing shows how little retail marketers’ attitudes have changed over time – even though 70% of mothers are in the labor force today, and most domestic responsibilities within a family are shared.

In a culture that bombards us with gender messages, it’s so important that we help both boys and girls understand that the choices and options are completely open to them, regardless of gender.  In Chrysalis After-School programs, we help girls navigate the gender-biased messages they see and hear in order to dispel the myths they convey.

P.S. Just for fun – when you think the minds and marketers in Hollywood are finally “getting it” -- http://youtu.be/i1FZF4nynMI

December 19, 2012

Media Messages


We all know that “reality TV” is the new norm for network television, but what we don’t know is that its effect on children, particularly girls, is extremely detrimental.  The Girl Scout Research Institute conducted a survey of nearly 1,150 girls, ages 11-17, to find what their thoughts were about their favorite types of programming and how television changes the way they think about themselves and their lives.  The findings were disturbing; here is what they found:

Of girls surveyed, regular reality TV viewers* differ dramatically from their non-viewing peers in their expectations of peer relationships, their overall self-image, and their understanding of how the world works. The findings also suggest that reality TV can function in the lives of girls as a learning tool and as inspiration for getting involved in social causes.

Finding 1: Relationship Drama
All of the girls in the study feel that reality shows promote bad behavior.  The vast majority think these shows “often pit girls against each other to make the shows more exciting” (86%), “make people think that fighting is a normal part of a romantic relationship” (73%), and “make people think it’s okay to treat others badly" (70%).

Regular reality TV viewers accept and expect a higher level of drama, aggression, and bullying in their own lives as well. They are considerably more likely than non-viewers to agree that:
­  “Gossiping is a normal part of a relationship between girls”(78% vs. 54%);
­  “It’s in girls’ nature to be catty and competitive with one another”(68% vs. 50%); and
­  “It’s hard for me to trust other girls”(63% vs. 50%).   

Regarding boys, regular reality TV viewers are more likely than non-viewers to say “girls often have to compete for a guy’s attention”(74% vs. 63%).  As well, they admit they are happier when they are dating someone or have a boyfriend/significant other(49% vs. 28%).

Finding 2: Two Sides to Self-Image
In the study, we found that girls who view reality TV regularly are more focused on the value of physical appearance. 
  • Seventy-two percent say they spend a lot of time on their appearance (vs. 42% of non-viewers).
  •   More than a third (38%)think that a girl’s value is based on how she looks (compared to 28% of non-viewers).
  •   They would rather be recognized for their outer beauty than their inner beauty (28% vs.18% of non-viewers).


At the same time, regular reality TV viewers are more confident than non-viewers.
­  This group of girls is more self-assured than non-viewers when it comes to virtually every personal characteristic we asked girls about, with the                           
­  majority of regular reality TV viewers considering themselves mature, a good influence, smart, funny, and outgoing.
­  They are more likely than non-viewers to both aspire to leadership (46% vs. 27%) and to think they are currently seen as a leader(75% vs. 63%).
­  In addition, they are more likely to see themselves as role models for other girls (75% vs. 61%).

Finding 3: Success = Meanness + Lying
The research indicates that regular reality TV viewers emphasize being mean and/or lying to get ahead.  A higher percentage of these girls as compared to their non-viewing counterparts claim that sometimes:
­  “You have to lie to get what you want”(37% vs. 24%);
­  “Being mean earns you more respect than being nice”(37% vs. 25%); and
­  “You have to be mean to others to get what you want”(28% vs.18%).

Even though these findings are negative, there are some positive effects:

Finding 4: Positive Spin-Offs
In the study, the benefits of reality TV most frequently noted by all girls were opening the lines of communication, serving as a learning and motivational tool, and encouraging girls to be active in social causes.
­  Seventy-five percent of girls say that reality shows have inspired conversation with their parents and/or friends.
­  Many girls receive inspiration and comfort from reality TV, with 68% agreeing that reality shows “make me think I can achieve anything in life” and 48% that they “help me realize there are people out there like me.”
­  Seventy-five percent of girls say that reality TV depicts people with different backgrounds and beliefs. Furthermore, 65% say such shows introduce new ideas and perspectives, 62% say the shows have raised their awareness of social issues and causes, and 59% have been taught new things that they wouldn’t have learned about otherwise.

Whatever the television programs – or other media messages - might be, it’s critical that girls have a strong notion of right and wrong, know that what they see on television is largely artificial, and recognize that their actions now will affect their futures.  This is just one of the strong positive findings of our Chrysalis After-School program, and we can be proud that when compared with other girls their age across the state, Chrysalis participants report higher levels of this type of resilience than non-participants.

December 3, 2012

Safety


This has been an eye-opening week for us – Brooke and I attended the Governor’s Summit on Bullying on Tuesday, and I’m still reeling from today’s Chrysalis Roundtable presentation, THREATS TO YOUTH ONLINE, presented by Mike Ferjak, Senior Criminal Investigator with the Iowa Department of Justice.  I had heard Mike give a presentation at a mother-daughter event several years ago, and was astounded about how frequently – and how easily – a young person can fall into the throes of a predator online.

Here are just a few statistics:

­  One in five U.S. teenagers who regularly log on to the internet says they have received an unwanted sexual solicitation via the Web.  Solicitations were defined as requests to engage in sexual activities or sexual talk, or to give personal sexual information.  Crimes Against Children Research Center
­  25% of children have been exposed to unwanted pornographic material online.  Crimes Against Children Research Center
­  Only 1/3 of households with internet access are actively protecting their children with filtering or blocking software.  Center for Missing and Exploited Children
­  75% of children are willing to share personal information online about themselves and their family in exchange for goods and services.  eMarketer
­  Only approximately 25% of children who encountered a sexual approach or solicitation told a parent or adult.  Crimes Against Children Research Center
­  One in 33 youth received an aggressive sexual solicitation in the past year. This means a predator asked a young person to meet somewhere, called a young person on the phone, and/or sent the young person correspondence, money, or gifts through the U.S. Postal Service.  Youth internet Safety Survey
­  77% of the targets for online predators were age 14 or older. Another 22% were users ages 10 to 13.  Crimes Against Children Research Center

 

In his position, Ferjak works for the Iowa Attorney General and has a permanent assignment to the Iowa Division of Criminal Investigation’s (DCI) Cyber-Crime Unit where he serves on the Federal Internet Crimes Against Children (ICAC) Task Force.  Mike is also assigned to the Attorney General’s Human Trafficking enforcement and prosecution initiative.  He has served as the lead investigator for the Sexually Violent Predator Unit in the Attorney General’s Office, and with his knowledge and experience, is called upon by law enforcement, judicial, professional, community, and school groups across the country to provide up-to-the-minute facts on why this is such a significant problem.

Some predators use the anonymity of the internet to prey on vulnerable children and teens, whose internet access is often unsupervised.  Activities include exchanging child pornography or seeking victims online.  The internet allows them to share images and information about children and to make and stay in contact with them.  Predators are  present on children's chat rooms, frequently pretending to be children themselves.  Some actively arrange meetings with children, going to extraordinary efforts and incurring large travel and other expenses…the stories are endless and shocking.

How are the youth victimized?  By innocently becoming entangled in an online relationship with someone who represents him or herself as a young, attractive, interesting and thoughtful person.  Adults establish "friendships" with children online, then attempt to arrange a face-to-face meeting, potentially to sexually abuse or exploit the child.  They may then make online arrangements for the exchange, sale or purchase of child pornography (the actual exchange or delivery occurs through the mail, hand-to-hand exchanges, e-mail, and other electronic means) , or arrangements between adults seeking sexual access to children and adults willing to provide and/or trade children for sexual purposes.

Ferjack reports there are an estimated 130,000 sex offenders using MYSPACE (precursor to Facebook), and that the average age group sought for sex trafficking purposes is 11-14 year olds.  And 14% of child pornography online involves infants – birth to 12 months old.

If you are a parent, friend, teacher, or interested adult, here are some internet safety tips to deliver to the children in your life:

­  Avoid unfamiliar "Chat Rooms".  Chat rooms are places where many people can gather and discuss various topics of mutual interest all at one time.

­  Don't talk to people online that you don't know.   Offenders can easily fool others.

­  Never use your real name, age, or indication of your gender in your screen name or email address.   The most prevalent internet crime today is cyber stalking.

­  Never post personal information in a user profile.  Public resources available online can lead an offender to learn much more about you through internet searching.

­  Use an up-to-date firewall.   A firewall will block hackers’ “pre-attack probes,” called port scans.  A firewall should also block traffic or communications from a virus that made it onto your computer through your personal information.

­  Use an up-to-date virus scanner.  Most virus scanners will automatically add virus definitions. Update definitions once a week to have the most current definitions to detect the latest viruses.

­  Use Windows Update. Windows Update provides patches for known vulnerabilities in Windows and other Microsoft products.  Windows Update can be automated to check and install patches automatically.

­  Avoid opening email from someone you don't know, even email from known persons with unexpected or unusual attachments.

­  Report any incidents to the internet Crime Complaint Center (www.ic3.gov).

If you are aware of a child you suspect or believe is in immediate risk of being harmed or exploited, contact your local law enforcement agency and report the situation to the National Center for Missing and Exploited Children at www.cybertipline.com.

If you have information concerning a missing child, report it to your local law enforcement agency and contact the National Center for Missing and Exploited Children at 1-800-THE-LOST (1-800-843-5678).

We so appreciate Chrysalis Board member, Lieutenant Joe Gonzalez, for his leadership in connecting this vital information to us and to our friends.  And because there is so much more to online abuse and bullying, we will schedule another presentation by Mike Ferjak to share more information on bullying and social networking.  After the first of the year, we’ll notify you of the time and place.

Please take time to forward this information to friends – there is no reason not to.

November 5, 2012

Gender Pay Disparity


Terry Hernandez, Executive Director of Chrysalis, just completed a television interview with WHO TV13 regarding the continued gender pay disparity.  When she asked the reporter what prompted interest in this issue, she noted the report in today's DES MOINES REGISTER listing salaries of state employees.

Once again, we need to count down to the 21st name on this list to find the first female: women's head basketball coach Lisa Bluder.  This is distressing enough, but our frustration should be compounded by the fact that her annual salary is less than half the salary of the lowest paid men's head basketball coach - and in this case, former men's basketball coach Todd Lickliter.

In the recently- released report SHE MATTERS, it was reported that in Iowa, women still make only 79% of what a man with equal education and experience is paid.  Calculating what this inequity means in today's dollars, if a woman (average salary $34,534) were to use the dollars represented by the gap (average salary for a man is $43,872), she could buy one of the following:

- 2,312 more gallons of gasoline
- 82 more weeks worth of groceries
- 14 more months of rent payments
- 8 more months of mortgage and utility payments
- 29 more months of family health insurance premiums

Today Chrysalis presented this information - in addition to the other disparities of note - to a group of women in higher education across the state, then at a workshop on teen pregnancy prevention.  We agree that, even though the Equal Pay Act was signed nearly 50 years ago, we are still far from being paid equally when our experience and education are the same.

Our work continues to be both to educate our community and stakeholders about issues like this, and to provide solutions to such problems.  Even more important, then, is our work teaching girls to advocate for themselves and be bold in asking for what they need, our work helping women become employed in "nontraditional" jobs that may pay higher wages, and our work in the corporate community to help leaders understand the reality and create workplaces that are more female- and family-friendly.

Simple things like flexible work schedules, onsite services such as ATMs or child care, and family medical leave will help keep women in the workplace as a skilled talent pool.  And these are the types of workplace benefits new young professionals should request as they seek careers.

October 15, 2012

Understanding Gender Equity


More often than not, when we work toward gender equity, we often focus strongly on teaching girls and women how to grow resilient and confident - able to work toward their own parity.  I'm proud that at Chrysalis, we realized that our work is critical to boys and men, and that we now have 2 terrific men (thanks, Joe and Drew!) moving our agenda forward.
For boys and young men, there are sound messages to share about why gender equality is so important:
1.  When men and boys believe in fairness, they can see that their sisters, mothers, girlfriends, and other female friends and relatives are often not treated the same way they are, and perhaps do not have the same opportunities and choices in their lives.
2.  An understanding of equity will help boys be comfortable in their own identity, comfortable expressing emotions, and able to build positive relationships based on mutual trust and respect.
3.  Equality of genders is about a more productive way of viewing power in relationships that benefit both sexes.
Gender equality truly begins in the family, and the father's role is tremendously important, not only to his daughter, but to a son.  Fathers who take part in domestic work, values and supports his children equally, hugs sons and daughters, and treats his wife as an equal will have a significant effect on how his son treats his own family.  Research has shown that:
- Men who are positively involved in the lives of their children or stepchildren are less likely to be depressed or violent.
- Boys whose fathers are more involved are less likely to engage in risky behaviors and are more likely to delay sexual experimentation until they are older.
- Boys with positive role models are less likely to hold harmful stereotypes and more likely to notice and question unfairness and inequity.
- An international study found that 14-year-old adolescents boys who are well connected to their parents, feel understood and cared for, and get along with their parents have more social connectedness and are less likely to be depressed.
So how to be certain that boys grow up with a sense of gender equity?  UNICEF recommends a 6-point plan:
1.  Start young - preschool education should promote equality between girls and boys and involve parents.
2.  School curricula should challenge stereotypes and acknowledge differences.
3.  Boys and girls should both participate in age-appropriate sex education.
4.  Schools must be made safe for both girls and boys.
5.  Campaigns against discrimination should involve men and boys as well as girls and women.
6.  Policies and laws should allow for and promote active participation of both parents in the lives of their children.
Although Chrysalis funding is committed to the needs of girls and women, our efforts are strong to educate and involve men in the critical work of eliminating stereotypes and promoting fairness and equity between all.  

September 24, 2012

Remarks from Terry Hernandez's Women of Influence Acceptance


According to Webster, INFLUENCE means power, persuasion, inspiration, affecting change.
I believe that this is the basis for all we are in this world. It's about relationships. And it's about sharing “me” and all the mysterious, odd, frustrating, delightful things that make me me.


I guess it took me 40 to 50 years to unlearn what I thought I knew about me
·          as a girl growing up, I knew how to cover up pimples, how to avoid folding the clothes or cleaning my room, how to be “cool” –
·          as a woman, I knew how to shade my long nose with blush, hide cellulite, keep my mouth shut and know my place –


how many women can you think of that, like me, knew they would never be president; knew they would never make as much money or have as much “clout” as a man; knew they would never be as thin, pretty, tall, or glamorous as they’d hope; knew how to feel guilty about choosing to raise a family instead of running a company…


I am so fortunate to do the work of Chrysalis, which is all about influence – it is about inspiring and encouraging – it’s about helping girls and women unlearn what they may know:
·          to teach girls to be themselves instead of worrying about what the media – or their peers – say they should be…
·          to teach young women to reject the notion that to be liked and accepted, they have to look and act like Britney Spears, Lady Gaga or (in my day) Madonna…
·          to help other women understand they are not objects and will not be treated as such…
·          to help girls and women celebrate their strengths rather than focusing on their weaknesses.


I’ve found in our work that the more limited the financial resources, the more abundant and creative the human resources are.


We say the work of Chrysalis is to “inspire to aspire” – it’s all about influence, and it’s been on our radar for decades. It continues to lead each of us to influence – to make change. And change is certainly not difficult if you are open to it.


So, here are my suggestions to you to continue to be a person of influence: treat people kindly, pay attention, respect others, offer assistance, ask for help, do good deeds, practice solid values, be a good friend, listen-listen-listen, volunteer in the community, and mentor the next generation.


Don’t just follow the rules.  Follow your heart.

I'm grateful to continue this important work and appreciate the passion we all share.

April 20, 2012

Rekha Basu Reports on the Screening of Miss Representation

From the Des Moines Register, Written by Rekha Basu, April 20, 2012
The New York Times reported last Sunday on women so desperate to lose weight before their weddings that they’re going on feeding tubes for eight days at a time to avoid eating.
My husband was on a feeding tube before his death. The tubes deliver fluids to people too sick to chew or swallow food. They prolong life but replace some of its most sensual pleasures. What a subversion of life-saving technology to use it for streamlining a figure. And what a distortion of medical ethics for a doctor to participate.
Enhancements that once sounded extreme in their invasiveness, risk factors and costs have become normalized in pursuit of female bodily perfection and to forestall the inevitable signs of aging. Feeding tubes for weight are just the latest twist in the continuum of purging and starvation, Botox and facelifts, buttock implants and breast augmentations.

Not all woman are going to those lengths, but every woman who watches television or music videos, or reads fashion magazines gets The Memo. The one that says “Look sexier, skinnier, younger or risk being ugly, unloved and irrelevant.”
Even women who take pride in their accomplishments and had rejected the idea of going under the knife or getting injected with botulism admit, in a film called “Miss Representation,” to succumbing in order to stay viable as actresses.
The movie was screened at Drake University Tuesday night by the Chrysalis Foundation for Women and Drake’s Student Activists for Gender Equality (SAGE). It focused on the role of mass media in perpetrating unrealistic images of beauty and sex appeal and the sexism underlying them.
Commercials sell images, part of whose goal is to keep us feeling insecure about how we look so we’ll keep buying the products. It works at all age and income levels.
“It’s obscene, the spending,” said Sheila Brassel, the president of SAGE of how much even college women pay to primp themselves up. “If you’re struggling financially, the last thing you will cut as a college student is the specific salon brand shampoo you use.” For some, it’s nail care. Even spending on high school proms has hit $1,078 on average, according to USA Today.
Brassel’s organization tries to get students to look critically at those idealized images and persuade young women not to hang their sense of self-worth on male acceptance. But she says some women balk at the idea of feminism, fearing that to call themselves that will make them unattractive to men.

Some of the TV talking heads carrying on about how a woman looks, or should, or what she might have done to look that way, are themselves women. Actress Ashley Judd was recently provoked to fight back at the gossip and speculation surrounding her puffy face after she’d been on steroids for a sinus infection. The 44-year-old who appears on television’s “Missing” was being accused of having plastic surgery.
In the April 9 Daily Beast, Judd wrote, “This abnormal obsession with women’s faces and bodies has become so normal that we (I include myself at times — I absolutely fall for it still) have internalized patriarchy almost seamlessly. We are unable at times to identify ourselves as our own denigrating abusers, or as abusing other girls and women.”
Not that women are alone. Men can be especially hard on aging actresses and female politicians. When actress Demi Moore was hospitalized in January, two months after breaking up from her younger husband, Ashton Kutcher, a male commentator informed us her real problem was being 49.
For those of us who grew up in the women’s movement, these discussions bring a frustrating sense of déjà vu. Didn’t we learn to value ourselves beyond our looks and to support one another instead of competing and back-stabbing? And didn’t men get Our Memo — the one demanding equal treatment?
“I’m pissed off,” said a woman of my generation after the screening of “Miss Representation,” recalling the sense of possibilities when sports first opened up for girls and people were picketing for the Equal Rights Amendment.

Organizers of the film showing suggested actions for young women to take, from boycotting magazines, movies and TV shows that objectify and degrade women to campaigning for female candidates to “Stop talking about your weight (especially in front of young girls).”
Women’s activism needs to be rekindled at younger ages, in middle and high schools. Girls need to be taught to stand up for themselves and not hand their power over to men. And boys need to be shown alternative models of manhood.
No woman should be raised to believe that getting thin through a feeding tube is the way to start a good marriage. Nor should any man.

April 18, 2012

Chrysalis Partners to Screen Miss Representation

On April 17, 2012, Chrysalis, in partnership with Drake University's Student Activists for Gender Equality and Department of Culture and Society hosted the public for a special screening of the documentary film Miss Representation. As part of Chrysalis' community education efforts, we would like to share the information we provided at the screening with all of you.

MISS REPRESENTATION
Presented by Chrysalis in partnership with Drake University Department of Culture and Society and SAGE (Student Activists for Gender Equality)
April 17, 2012

An average teen spends more than 10 hours daily consuming media – more than sleeping or attending school.  Messages they receive from media teach them how to view themselves and others, particularly what it means to be a woman or a man.

Mainstream media (instruments used to communicate information, including television, magazines, books, movies, music, and the Internet) bombards children and adults with constant messages that women should be beautiful and sexy; men should be powerful and often violent.  These messages can have damaging effects on self-esteem, health, and relationships, limiting children’s ideas about what is possible for them in the world.

In a society where media is the most persuasive force shaping cultural norms, the collective message that young women and men receive is that a woman’s value and power lie in her youth, beauty, and sexuality – not her intelligence or capacity as a leader.

In its continuing role to educate the public, Chrysalis presents MISS REPRESENTATION, the acclaimed documentary released in 2011 by writer, director, and producer Jennifer Siebel Newsom.  It uncovers a glaring reality facing each of us, every day – how mainstream media contributes to the under-representation of women in influential positions in America.

HERE’S WHAT WE RECOMMEND YOU DO --
1.        Boycott magazines, movies, or television shows that objectify and degrade women.
2.       Participate in a female candidate’s political campaign.
3.       Watch media with children and discuss how girls or women are portrayed and the impact this has.
4.      Avoid complimenting a woman or girl on looks (pretty, thin, sexy, “hot”) and compliment how smart, skilled, or clever she is, or what a great leader she is.

Here are a few other ideas adapted from about-face.org.  About-Face equips women and girls with tools to understand and resist harmful media messages that affect self-esteem and body image.

TEN THINGS THAT YOU CAN DO
1. Stop talking about your weight (especially in front of young girls).
Young girls listen to the way women talk about themselves, and about each other, to learn the language of womanhood.  Young women can only learn to love or even accept their bodies if they see women who love and accept their own.  Every criticism we use – about ourselves or about other women - leaves an impression on the people around us, encouraging the quest for perfection.  Differentiate between weight and health, and start talking about health.
2. Make a list of women you admire.
Think about the most important attributes a woman you admire has – is appearance one of them?  What would you like a young woman to most admire in you?  In herself?
3. Question the motives of the fashion industry.
Remember - the main objective of the fashion, cosmetic, diet, fitness, and plastic surgery industries is to make money, not to make you the best person you can possibly be. 
4. Stop weighing yourself.
The emphasis to be thin is ever-present in our society, but this focus is completely arbitrary.  Spend a day, week, or month without getting on the scale – and when you do, don’t let the number be a measure of your self-esteem.
5. Concentrate on things you do well.
It is true that if you are feeling good about your life, you are much less critical of how you look.  You aren’t changing, but your perception is!  If you’ve had a bad day and don’t want to be distressed, stay away from the mirror.
6. Get physical for fun.
Your body needs fuel and function – that’s real food and exercise!  Take walks, dance in your living room, garden, golf… try to get moving for your heart, not to decrease the size of your waist.  You may lose weight and you may not, but your body will be stronger, and your stress will be lower.
7. Value your dollars.
How much do you spend on fashion, hair, and cosmetics?  How much on specific eating regimens?  The money you spend should reflect the person you are, not the person society wants you to be.
8. Voice your opinion.
Every size and type of business is interested in your input.  Letters, e-mails, and phone calls really make a difference.  If you disagree with the way a company treats women, or if you believe a company shows a lack of respect for girls and women in any way, write a letter explaining why, and stop purchasing the product.
9. Be a role model.
Every culture and generation has its own rules and expectations for women, and there are always women who have taken risks to grow, learn, and succeed.  Wouldn’t you like to break a mold or two?  And remember – girls and women are watching you.
10. Break the barriers.
Author Sara Tisdale wrote, “We must all choose between battles: One battle is against the cultural ideal, and the other is against ourselves.”  Stop defining yourself by what popular culture dictates.  Develop your own style and uniqueness – by accepting yourself and demonstrating it, you help break the barriers.